Why Perfectionism is an Obstacle to Improving Your Health
Have you ever thought of yourself as a perfectionist? If yes, you’re not alone. Women are practically trained from birth to people please and be ‘perfect’ in a multitude of ways. In this article we’ll discuss what perfectionism looks like and how it can be harmful to your health and lead you down the path towards burnout. You’ll walk away with a little assignment to help you leave your perfectionist tendencies behind.
What Perfectionism looks like
I think the time I started recognizing my perfectionist tendencies was high school or college. I’d heard that in job interviews I’d have to talk about my strengths and weaknesses. And it occurred to me that maybe I was a perfectionist- what a great strength! I remember believing that successful people are perfect, so I had to try to be perfect, too.
Today I can see how warped that thinking was.
Over the years, perfectionism led me to procrastinate and harbor an intense fear of being judged. When I was a kid, I played the saxophone-and was actually quite good at it- but I was afraid for anyone to hear me play. I’d even go to my grandmother’s house after school and hide in the back spare bedroom to practice, where hopefully no one would hear if I made mistakes.
My perfectionist tendencies just deepened over time.
Years later as a grad student and then as a professor, I’d labor for months over drafts of papers before sharing them (even with my peers). I was deeply fearful that my research and writing weren’t good enough and that I’d be judged harshly for it. I’ve actually got quite a few unfinished drafts of research papers that are probably close to ready for publication, and no one will ever read them. A lot of hard work, for nothing.
I realize now that all of that procrastination and self-judgement held me back from progressing the way that I wanted to in my career. But at the time, I truly believed that everyone else held just as high (or higher) standards than I did, and I felt a desperate need to prove myself.
This is how perfectionism works. It’s a mind game that you play with yourself.
You worry about if you’re “ready” to take on a new project. You worry about failing or falling short. You worry about being judged, and you judge yourself even more harshly than anyone around you. Whatever you do, it’s never good enough.
And so you procrastinate. You hold off on starting. You make grand plans but rarely fully implement them. And you get frustrated because you’re never able to attain the high standards you set for yourself.
The result? You avoid doing things that really matter to you and that will get you to where you want to go in life. You don’t meet your highest goals, even though you work super hard. And while you’re incredibly skilled and talented, you never fully share those gifts with the world. And eventually, you get exhausted and burn out.
How Perfectionism Hurts Your HealtH
Often when we think about perfectionism, we immediately think of how it relates to work. But if you’re like any of the women I know (or even myself), being a perfectionist at work means being a perfectionist in all areas of your life. Including your health.
Here’s a quick test: think about some of the things that you want to do to improve your health, but that you’re not doing because you don’t have the time or energy or even knowledge to do them perfectly. For example, does any of this sound familiar:
You put off exercising because if you don’t have a full 30 minutes or hour to spend at the gym, then what’s the point?
You give up on eating well because after indulging in your favorite high-fat and/or sugary foods over the weekend, you feel guilty and figure you’re just not good enough to keep up with a healthy diet, so what’s the point?
You try meditating but can’t seem to get past two minutes of sitting still and can’t seem to make your brain stop thinking, so what’s the point?
You put off focusing on your health- your diet, exercise, managing stress, etc- until the “perfect time” arises when you have no other distractions. Because if you can’t pour 100% of your effort into taking care of yourself, then what’s the point?
What’s the point??? The point is that building these kinds of healthy habits doesn’t happen overnight. And even when they do become routine, that doesn’t mean that you practice them every single day. Perfection is the absolute enemy of progress, especially when it comes to your health.
Today’s assignment: aim for B-minus work
There are lots of things you can do to overcome perfectionism, but let’s just focus on one of them today.
Aim for B-minus work.
That’s right, I said B-minus!
To the overachieving perfectionist who got straight A’s in school this probably sounds like heresy. How could I suggest you aim for mediocrity?!
Here’s the truth: doing things below your normal standards is what’s going to actually move the needle for you, in all aspects of your life- including your health.
Your idea of what’s good enough - what’s ‘perfect’- is 100% subjective. Many people (probably most) don’t share your high standards. You created those high standards all on your own. That means you also have the power to loosen those standards so that you can actually get things done that are important to you.
So in the realm of healthy habits, what might that look like? Here are some examples:
Aiming to exercise five days a week, in the time you have available to you. If that means 10 minutes one day but 45 minutes another day, then so be it. And if you hit only four days this week? No big deal. You’ll take those four days as a win, investigate what kept you from getting in five days of exercise, and make a plan for next week. You’ll ‘fail forward’.
Accepting deviations from your healthy plans, and then getting back on track. For example, next time you you indulge in ice cream (or whatever decadent food you love), accept that this is fine, you’re enjoying yourself, and it doesn’t mean that you’ll stop eating healthfully the rest of the time.
Identifying just one small step you can take to move towards healthier habits. Maybe that means drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day. Or getting to bed a half hour earlier. Choose one action step and then just do it.
Starting today. Recognize that you may never feel 100% ready to start taking action, and that the “perfect” time to do so may never present itself. So start anyways. Today. Even if it’s just a small step.
